19 – WTF? WTF? WTF!

Poem number 19
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WTF? WTF? WTF!
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The world went fucking mad today
I really don’t know what to say
I watched all night and muttered sadly
Watched his speech and giggled madly
Surely, surely it’s a joke
That they have picked this nutty bloke
To hold the nukes and keep the peace
Please wake me up, I need release
But no. It’s not a joke or trick
This total madman was their pick,
Four years now to hide and cower,
What a night. Our darkest hour?

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123 – OnOffOnOffGone

Poem number 123
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OnOffOnOffGone
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I switched the light switch on again
The Devil was still there
I switched the light switch off again
Could smell his cordite hair
I switched the light switch on again
He flashed his pointy teeth
He switched the light switch off again
And dragged me down beneath.

130 – Turdface

Poem number 130
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Turdface

Bugger off you rancid fart
Your face is made of dough
Your ears are shrivelled, sweaty
And I really wish you’d go
If I’d wanted life insurance
I’d have purchased it online
Not bought it off the doorstep
From a tramp who smells of wine,
Go away. Get out. Piss off
And that’s my final word –
Sell your bollocks somewhere else
You nauseating turd.

258 – We Hates It!

Poem number 258
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We Hates It!
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Mary Berry, on a ferry
Eating curds and whey
Along came a seagull
That thought it was Smeagol
And took all her dinner away!
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“My Preciousss” it cried
“Nasty Berrys’s lied
She promised us fishes all raw
Like Hobbits, she cheatses
And hides all her meatses
But we gets her back, makes her sore!”
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“We takes all her curdses
And feeds it to birdses
We leads her to Mordor instead
That filthy old sneaky
We pecks with our beaky
Until nasty Berrys’s dead!”

272 – The Killing

Poem number 272
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The Killing
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The muted crunch of carapace
The skin that splits unheard
The silent ooze of leaking flesh:
A murder has occurred.
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The booted foot of malice
Is the weaponry du jour
A stamp. A grind. A pivot
‘Til the victim is no more
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There’ll be no trial or punishment
No twenty years in jail
No justice for the gastropod
I’m glad I’m not a snail.