283 – Noah’s Abattoir

Poem number 283
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Noah’s Abattoir
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The animals went in two by two, huzzah! Huzzah!
The cats and the dogs and the monkeys too, huzzah! Huzzah!
The horses and sheep and donkeys and cows
The hogs and the deer and the goats and the sows
And they all went into the dark
And never saw daylight again.
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The animals came out vacuum packed in a box, huzzah!
Ribs and steaks and shoulders and chops, huzzah! Huzzah!
Ribs and steaks and shoulders and chops
A pipe takes away all the blood and the slops
And they all came out of the dark,
Packaged and put on a train.
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The animals speed through the countryside, huzzah! Huzzah!
Destined for butchers both far and wide, huzzah! Huzzah!
The chops and the steaks and the spare ribs too
The train whistles loud as it brings them to you
I’ll have mine grilled, served with a sauce
I’ll never go hungry again.

308 – C3PO’s Fever

Poem number 308
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C3PO’s Fever
(With apologies to Masefield)
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The rust goes down to my knees again, I can only see from one eye
I called to ask for new silicone chips but I hear not one reply;
And my heel’s split and my chin’s gone and the right hip’s shaking,
And a flayed fist and a peeled face, and my grey diodes breaking.
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The rust goes down to my knees again, when I fall I get dents in my side
If a wild fall or severe fall then circuits break inside;
I called to ask for a solder iron but they said I wasn’t dying
And my sprung jaw and the blown fuse, and the seized up joints crying.
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The rust goes down to my knees again, with the fragrant droid-rot rife
With the dull decay and the failing way that my pins cause fetid strife
I called to ask for some darning yarn from our depot down in dover
But a quiet line and a silent scream and my brain has gone, it’s over.