25 -Get Off My Road!

Poem number 25
Get Off My Road!
Why’d you need a car that big
You tit, you fucking twat?
Why’d you need a car that big
You tit, just tell me that.
Why’d you need a car so big
It blocks my view ahead?
I’d like to see the traffic lights
And know if they are red
I’d like to see the roundabout
And know if it is clear,
Why’s your car so fucking big
And why’s it fucking here?
Why’d you need a car that big
On roads this fucking small?
You really are a mighty twat
You’ve really got some gall.
Why’d you need a car that big
That tall that long that fat?
Why’d you need a car that big
You tit, you fucking twat.


112 – Shoot The Teaboy

Poem number 112
Shoot The Teaboy
My tea has no sugar, you dolt
It’s too bland, with a taste that revolts
Correct it at once
You incredible dunce
Make some more! Make it perfect! No faults!

130 – Turdface

Poem number 130

Bugger off you rancid fart
Your face is made of dough
Your ears are shrivelled, sweaty
And I really wish you’d go
If I’d wanted life insurance
I’d have purchased it online
Not bought it off the doorstep
From a tramp who smells of wine,
Go away. Get out. Piss off
And that’s my final word –
Sell your bollocks somewhere else
You nauseating turd.

157 – Donald Trump’s A Fuckwit

Poem number 157
Donald Trump’s A Fuckwit
Donald Trump’s a fuckwit
He has but half a mind
His head is full of bullshit
Of the total fuckwit kind
He’s such a fucking fuckwit
But he’ll probably win the race
And sit there in the White House
With his stupid fuckwit face
Donald you’re a fuckwit
And you’ll always be the same
Such a fucking fuckwit
Fuckwit Donald, that’s your name.

228 – Fan Letter

Poem number 228
Fan Letter
I hate your hair
I hate your nose
I hate your ears
I hate your toes
I hate your feet
I hate your skin
I hate your arms
I hate your chin
I hate your legs
I hate your thighs
I hate your chest
I hate your eyes
I hate your wee
I hate your poo
I hate your sick
I hate your you.

330 – Lovely

Poem number 330
A is for arsecakes, B is for bum
C is for cockface, crappy and cum
D is for dung, dogging and dick
E is for excrement, F is for frick,
Fucking fuck fuck fuck, felching and frot
G is for gonad, gash gimp and grot
H is for herpes, ignorant I
J is for jackass, K is KY
L is for limpwrist, M is for muff
N is for nutsack, never enough
Of O (which is orgy), Orifice, P
Is penis and prickhead and pervert and pee
Q is for Quasi, the hunchback and freak
R is revolting and rotten and reek
S is just shitty while T is for tit
U is urethal, unpleasant unfit
V vile veined vagina, W wank
X is x-rated, young Y youths will yank
Z is for zitface, and that’s all you get
This list is now over, this nasty vignette
Of curses and insults and unpleasant words
I hope you enjoyed it, you simpering turds.

384 – The 64th Poem

Poem number 384
The 64th Poem
I find your looks abhorrent
You have rheumy, weakling eyes
Your nose is twisted, offset
And your mouth is as a fly’s
Your breath, I fear, disgusts me
It bears remnants of the grave
As indeed does all your body
And your nostrils need a shave
Did your mother oft’ neglect you
Did you never learn to clean
I find little to commend you
You’re a sight I wish unseen
There is nothing in your countenance
To bright a rain filled day
You have nothing more to offer
Than to simply go away
So begone, and take your pimples
And your skin so slimy, slack
I shall rinse my eyes once you have left
And pray you don’t come back.