25 -Get Off My Road!

Poem number 25
Get Off My Road!
Why’d you need a car that big
You tit, you fucking twat?
Why’d you need a car that big
You tit, just tell me that.
Why’d you need a car so big
It blocks my view ahead?
I’d like to see the traffic lights
And know if they are red
I’d like to see the roundabout
And know if it is clear,
Why’s your car so fucking big
And why’s it fucking here?
Why’d you need a car that big
On roads this fucking small?
You really are a mighty twat
You’ve really got some gall.
Why’d you need a car that big
That tall that long that fat?
Why’d you need a car that big
You tit, you fucking twat.


79 – Indicate, You Bastard

Poem number 79
Indicate, You Bastard
Indicate, you bastard
Hit the lever with your hand
The rest of us need warning
Of the turn that you’ve got planned.
Don’t simply spin the steering wheel
And pray no bugger’s there,
Indicate you bastard
Make the rest of us aware.
Indicate, you bastard
I implore you! I insist!
Indicate you bastard
Or I’ll shout, and shake my fist.

90 – Road Rage

Poem number 90
Road Rage

The sun was very very bright
It made me squint and gurn
I didn’t see the taxi
As it stopped to make a turn.
Crash! I hit his bumper
It fell off, and broke in two
The driver came and punched me
‘Til my face was black and blue.
He went to jail for ABH
And that’s the story done
Except to say be sure to wear
Dark glasses in the sun.
If you don’t you may get blinded
And then hit the car in front
And end up being assaulted
By a total utter cunt.

99 – Jaguar Envy

Poem number 99
Jaguar Envy
Jaguar, oh Jaguar with sleek and sensual lines
I’d be afraid to park you by the shops if you were mine
Some git would scratch you with a key
Or set your roof on fire
Or even take a massive wee
Upon your lovely tyres
Then your beauty would be ruined
And I’d feel all blue and sad
So I’ll never buy a Jaguar
The world is just too bad.