33 – The Inevitable Is Inevitable

Poem number 33
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The Inevitable Is Inevitable
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The inevitable is inevitable
That’s why it’s called the inevitable.
It’s going to happen, and you can’t stop it.
You can rail against it
Fight against it
Throw your toys out of the pram
But in the end it will happen.
Because it’s inevitable
And in the end it will happen.
So throw those toys, if you must
Fight against it, if you must
Rail against it, if you must
But it’s going to happen, and you can’t stop it
That’s why it’s called the inevitable.
The inevitable is inevitable.

62 – The Graceful Art Of Dismounting

Poem number 62
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The Graceful Art Of Dismounting
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Climb down from your high horse, sir
There’s nothing good see
From up there on your mountain
When you’re staring down at me.
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Climb down from your high horse, sir
Get rid of your disdain
It’s cold up on the mountain
And it’s quite inclined to rain.
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Climb down from your high horse, sir
Step gracefully to earth
Show the world your better side
And prove to us your worth.

67 – Egghead

Poem number 67
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Egghead
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It doesn’t take an Egghead
To construct this simple thought:
If you think you killed a mugger
But you never did get caught
Then for Christ sake keep your mouth shut
When you’re decades down the track –
Don’t write a signed confession
With your picture on the back.
If you must autobiographise
Then don’t include the killing
Or the police will write a warrant
And your name will have top billing,
It’s not genius, or rocket flight
It’s simple common sense –
You may well be an Egghead
But you must be bloody dense!

90 – Road Rage

Poem number 90
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Road Rage
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The sun was very very bright
It made me squint and gurn
I didn’t see the taxi
As it stopped to make a turn.
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Crash! I hit his bumper
It fell off, and broke in two
The driver came and punched me
‘Til my face was black and blue.
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He went to jail for ABH
And that’s the story done
Except to say be sure to wear
Dark glasses in the sun.
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If you don’t you may get blinded
And then hit the car in front
And end up being assaulted
By a total utter cunt.

111 – Beyond The Boobs

Poem number 111
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Beyond The Boobs
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Buns and baps and wobbly bits
The ladies have nice parts
But a lady who eats lots of beans
Is always prone to farts
And all the pert and lovely nips
And bottoms in the world
Can’t hide the smell of used white wine
And burgers when she hurls
So look beyond the boobies
When it’s time for you to choose –
Pick a lass who hates bakes beans
And never touches booze.

128 – Duplicity

Poem number 128
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Duplicity
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Examine the crystalline beauty of the raindrop
Magnificent in its simplistic individuality
And a bugger if it hits you in the eye.
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Consider the scarlet mnemonic which is the holly berry
Christmas condensed into a perfect sphere
And poisonous on the tongue.
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Nature is a femme fatale. Her dangers clothed in scent and mirrors
She stalks in beauty like the night, two faced
So wear gloves when you prune the roses.