60 – Krister’s Nunnery

Poem number 60
Krister’s Nunnery
I’m going to start a nunnery, I’m going to breed some nuns
I’ll sell them down the market from a van
I’ll start with just a few, and a breeding monk or two
Then expand it to an empire if I can.
I’ll buy the nuns from Ireland, where I hear they’ve got a glut
I’ll pay for them with fifty vats of sherry
I’ll check their teeth and feet, give them vegetables to eat
And then bring them back to England on the ferry.
My mother says I’m crazy, should come up with something else
But I’m ready, I am buzzing, in the zone
It’s the only plan I’ve got, so I’m giving it a shot
Just to prove a man can live on nuns alone.
So come to Krister’s Nunnery! The nuns are all first rate
Angel voices, well filled habits, meek and mild
If you want a Godly lady, come to me – I’m far from shady
Krister’s Nunnery, for nuns to drive you wild!


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