260 – Big Heart, Small Doorways

Poem number 260
.
Big Heart, Small Doorways
.
I used to be a fatty
I ate cake twelve times an hour
I stuffed my face with saturates
Hid doughnuts in the shower.
I cleaned my teeth with sugar
Washed my face in melted cheese,
Used double cream as shaving foam
Rubbed lard upon my knees
But I am that man no longer
I’m as thin as thin can be
I eat spinach, salad, yoghurt
Put no sugar in my tea
And the cause of this reversal,
The tool that made me thin?
A house with tiny, tiny doors
That barred my way within.
.
The house was home to Clara
Who was slim as splintered wood
My heart did so desire her
But my ardour did no good
For I couldn’t call and see her –
I was fat, her doorways thin
I was stuck outside the house
While she was ‘ere within.
So I cast aside my lard and chocs
Threw out my cups of cream
Began to to brush with toothpaste
And to cleanse myself with steam,
‘Til at last, no more a fatty
I could squeeze through Clara’s door
Present my love with flowers
And be separate no more.
.
So thus I say “Hooray for doors
So narrow, none shall pass
Unless they try and lose a pound
Or two from off their arse.
Hooray for tiny, tiny doors
Hooray for doors indeed!
For I was fat, but now am thin
And cured of all my greed!”

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