260 – Big Heart, Small Doorways

Poem number 260
Big Heart, Small Doorways
I used to be a fatty
I ate cake twelve times an hour
I stuffed my face with saturates
Hid doughnuts in the shower.
I cleaned my teeth with sugar
Washed my face in melted cheese,
Used double cream as shaving foam
Rubbed lard upon my knees
But I am that man no longer
I’m as thin as thin can be
I eat spinach, salad, yoghurt
Put no sugar in my tea
And the cause of this reversal,
The tool that made me thin?
A house with tiny, tiny doors
That barred my way within.
The house was home to Clara
Who was slim as splintered wood
My heart did so desire her
But my ardour did no good
For I couldn’t call and see her –
I was fat, her doorways thin
I was stuck outside the house
While she was ‘ere within.
So I cast aside my lard and chocs
Threw out my cups of cream
Began to to brush with toothpaste
And to cleanse myself with steam,
‘Til at last, no more a fatty
I could squeeze through Clara’s door
Present my love with flowers
And be separate no more.
So thus I say “Hooray for doors
So narrow, none shall pass
Unless they try and lose a pound
Or two from off their arse.
Hooray for tiny, tiny doors
Hooray for doors indeed!
For I was fat, but now am thin
And cured of all my greed!”


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