266 – Of Doves and Men

Poem number 266
Of Doves And Men
I shot a dove by accident
I thought it was a grouse
It spiralled down through cloudy skies
And landed on a house
Its body smashed a window
Of the bathroom, sad to say
And struck a bathing lady
Whose bare bum got in the way
The lady stuck her head outside
And gestured with a fist
But leant a little too far out
And fell, and broke her wrist
She landed in a naked heap
My mind was all regret
For her pure humiliation
As she lay there sopping wet
I felt guilty, so I slunk away
And hid behind a tree
Hoping that my colleagues
Wouldn’t tell her it was me
But they did, so I went over
And apologised a lot
She swore and threw the dove at me
And called me ‘stupid clot’
So I scarpered home and sold my gun
And took up God instead
For though it’s nowhere near so fun
As shooting birdies dead
There’s tranquility in worship
And I’m sure that God Above
Isn’t going to plummet madly
From the skies like that dead dove
I’m sure the Great Almighty
Won’t be smashing through the glass
Of a naked bathing lady
Just to smack her on the arse
So religion is my hobby now
It’s safest in God’s house
For the type of man so stupid
He shoots doves instead of grouse.


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