338 – The Turnips Are Invading

Poem number 338
The Turnips Are Invading
Turnips! In the Garden!
They’re invading, we’re at war!
For Christ’s sake close the windows
And I’ll barricade the door
Unpack the Turnip Masher
And the Boiling-Water-Gun
And be super quick about it
‘Cause by Christ those sods can run!
They’ve cleared that fence already
And they’re half across the lawn –
We simply HAVE to hold them
Or they’ll reach Skegness by dawn!
Alert the guard and fire at will
For glory! Stand and fight!
The Turnips are invading
Under cover of the night!
Mash them, men! And peel them
Do your duty, one and all!
The Turnips are invading
And we simply must not fall!


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